Rage Against the Stupid Pomegranate Parent Machine


So, last Saturday night when the Lah-dee-dahs were dancing, the Youngest Unnamed One took unfair advantage.

Okay, straight up, pomegranate cosmos were involved. Pair those with the absolutely killer dimples and big brown eyes of the Y.U.O and you have a recipe for disaster.

Somehow Marti and I agreed to take the Youngest Unnamed One on a road trip to New York in late July.

It'll be fun, we thought. We love road trips! Maybe we'll see Spamalot while we're there.

I'm a Philly girl....or used to be. So, what does it matter I haven't been to NYC since I was 5? A city's a city. No problem. How much could it have changed?

A nice summer adventure with the Youngest.

Sounds harmless right?


When he said concert and Randall's Island, I thought, maybe I was wrong. Maybe there's an island in New York I haven't heard of! (D'Nator, are you laughing your ass off yet?)

Then I think, hey, I bet it's not in NYC after all! It's probably near Fire Island, or maybe even somewhere in those Hamptons everybody's always mentioning on Entertainment Tonight- I can delude myself this way because, see, I don't know where either of those places is exactly either! Let alone the freakin' Catskills. All's I know is they're not IN dangerous, huge NYC...I figure this means, it'll be safe. No armed muggers...Yeah, I know...I've been living the small town life a little too long...My big city gene has recessed into nothingness.

The Youngest even tells us "It's like a festival. A lot of bands will be there."

I think, whoa! Way cool! It'll be like Woodstock! I'm so sorry I missed Woodstock! Now maybe I can...

"Whoa, wait a minute," Marti says. "We can't go IN the concert with him!"

"Why not?" I'm thinkin' over my dead body I'll let this 16 yr. old go into a Rage Against the Machine Concert without me. Besides...I may be old, but I'm still cool.

Marti shakes her head. "No. We are not cool. We are parents."

She says her 30-something year old rocker son loves Rage Against the Machine.

I'm sorry. I actually find myself thinking how can this be true since what I've heard coming out of Youngest's room doesn't even sound like good music...You know, like Zeppelin or anything. But I know, you don't have to remind me...I'm old. So I just figure- if it's good enough for Marti's son, it should be ok- especially if I rope him or The Eldest Unnamed One into coming along...like bodyguards.

So, in the spirit of Good Motherliness, just now I look up Randall's Island. I think maybe I'll find out how much the tickets are and, if they're on sale, I'll surprise him and buy them.

That's when I discover Randall's Island is not exactly an idyllic vacation spot in the Hamptons. I read the Wikipedia article on it and all I see are words like- "Landfill" "Bronx Kill" and "Hell Gate."

Then I decide to just see if there's a video clip showing Rage Against the Machine in concert.

Oh, boy. Can't hardly wait.

Only bright spot I see thus far is that the NYC fire department trains somewhere on the "island." So, I suppose there's a silver lining to every cloud...or something like that.

But then, what match is a fire hose against the flames in Dumb Parent Hell- the road to which I paved myself with Pomegranate Cosmos and Good Intentions...

Okay, now somebody...tell me it's not going to be that bad!

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