Hearing the Truth at 3:30 a.m.


The Youngest Unnamed One made the mistake of asking what Ellen and I talked about during the 4 hour sojourn we like to call "lunch."

"We talked about how if a thought wakes you up at 3:30 in the morning you ought to pay attention to it because it's probably important.  And the meaning of life- I mean, the meaning of life now because you know, there isn't just one meaning.  Your life starts off one way and you think you know where you're going and then suddenly something happens and..."

"All right, Mom," he muttered, sensing I was only just warming to the subject.  "That's enough information. I don't need to know every single thing."

Ah, grasshopper, I thought, but you do.  You just don't know it yet. 

That's why a 3:30 a.m. wake-up thought is so important.  At that time of morning there are no other distractions.  Everyone else is asleep, even the dogs.  There is no T.V, no ringing phone.  There is only the truth, bubbling up from the essential wellspring of you.  It explodes into your conscious brain and shakes you awake because it's that important.

Ellen told me this and I listened, mulling it over for the rest of the day. 

Waiting for the truth is what keeps me hanging on into the night, like a punch-drunk boxer clinging to his opponent.  I am waiting for everyone and every thing in the house to fall silent so I can finally hear who I am.

When I write the truth, I feel it.  When my world is too noisy, I can't hear what's true for me.  That's why when my buddy, Joe, said "You belong up here...It's better for your writing, too!" I felt something ping deep inside me.  It was true. 


1 comment:

SoloMother said...

I love my 3:30AM thoughts nowadays. They are along the lines of, 'go back to sleep. Everything is going to be just fine.' I can remember, a little over a year ago, when my 3:30AM thoughts were much, much darker.

Enjoy your Virginia retreat!