5/02/2005

Aliens Suck Writer's Brain...Film At Eleven!

Okay, now this really has to stop.

This procrastination thing has gone too far!

Writers drag their feet, sure. I know I'm not unusual in that I would think of almost anything to pull myself away from what I know I must do...What I feel called to do...What I know I really WANT to do...WRITE, DAMN IT!!

But I am sinking to new lows.

It wasn't so bad, really, when I bought a new house as a way of procrastinating. In fact that was a good idea. It meant selling the one I live in now and in order to sell it I have to clean it up and out. This is equivalent to moving a mountain with a teaspoon. (Read my blog about the basement!)

Cleaning out the house and packing is great for procrastinating! I am into it full speed. I barely have time to write and when I do...Oh my God! It's fabulous.

Okay. Maybe not fabulous but sometimes it's not bad.

So the packing and cleaning thing isn't exactly working as a procrastination device because eventually it becomes so odious that I return to the computer in order to procrastinate against doing any more cleaning and packing! I pull up the blank page and just sit there...Waiting for inspiration and happy not to be fighting giant dust bunnies.

Out of desperation, I upgraded my Earthlink account. Low and behold, they've given me a procrastination TOOL! Is that, like, thoughtful or what?! They must know I'm a writer!

Headlines now run continuously across the top of my screen! I could hide them, but why? I might miss something!

The headlines are better than any plot I could think up on my own! Things like: Kids Suck Eggs Through Eye of Needle or Man Nails Self In Head With Nail Gun-Wife Not Surprised He Didn't Notice.

Yesterday's headline was the very best. It completely took me away from my writing and I didn't even need to read the article to know all about it and be absolutely pissed!

Zoo Vet Reverses Bush Dog Vasectomy.

You know, I thought, I knew that man was stupid...But getting the Zoo Vets to reverse his poor dog's vasectomy?! Now that's a new low, even for a Republican! What a waste of public funds! What a mis-use of his authority and office! What, was Condoleza not watching him that day?

I told Martha about it and she was just dumbstruck. I was gearing up to organize a demand for an investigation.

Which meant, of course, that I had to actually READ the article.

The zoo vets reversed the vasetomy on an Australian Bush Dog and not on George W's silly mutt! (Don't ask me why they tinkered with a bush dog's winkie, it would take too long to explain. )

I suppose it probably means I'll have to tell Martha it wasn't Bush's dog. She'll be so disappointed!

But I'll make up some reasons why the headlines mislead me, you know, so it makes a better story...So she doesn't realize what an IDIOT I've been!

Yeah, I'll make up some fabulous extra details because, after all, I am a fiction writer!

Sigh.

Back to the blank page again...

Until the next headline...

Oh, look! There goes a good one!

CDC Injects Diabetics With Lizard Saliva!

Hey...

Wonder what did it do to the test subjects? Are they green now? Thick skinned? Cold Blooded? Hmmm....wait, I'd better check this one out before I get too involved with my writing...inquiring minds might need to know about this!

1 comment:

danawales said...

Okay I am so glad I started reading your archives. I now must go change my pants as I have peed myself due to the fact that a poor dogs winkie was messed with