2/18/2007

Dancing Naked With More Pennies from Heaven





The pennies are raining down again...

In the past 24 hours ten or more pennies have appeared in unexpected places, including one that seemed to fall out of nowhere onto the floor beside me...old pennies, none of them shiny or new.

When the penny fell out of nowhere, I had to smile. "Hi, Dad," I whispered. "I miss you, too."

I don't know when these pennies are going to start appearing, only that they will.

Does Dad know when I need a boost? Is he saying, "Keep up the good work?" Or is he simply saying what he told us before he died, "I will always be with you"?

I am writing again and this time I've passed Chapter 1. Unlike every other beginning of the past year, this one is falling out onto the pages like a movie or a homecoming and I am so relieved.

But I can't talk about it. It jinx's me.

I am also reading "Dancing Naked at the Edge of Dawn." If you haven't read it or indeed, if you haven't read all of Kris Radish's books, you're missing out. If you've ever been afraid to trust your dreams, or indeed to dream, get going and find this book!

Reading Dancing Naked has only underscored what I've been feeling lately- that our lives are made up of dreams and the secrets that get in their way. I would hazard a guess that everyone keeps at least one shame secret deep inside, one "wrong" or irrational truth about themselves that keeps us afraid and unable to totally let go. If we can't let go, we can't travel with our dreams.

But just knowing this isn't enough. We have to break through that fear and banish the myth.

But you know that. We all "know" that.

Life is just too damned short to waste time indulging in fear. I know this but still I plunge into that same pool over and over again.

Maybe that's what Dad's pennies are about...Death happens to us all. Fear doesn't stop it from happening. In fact, all fear does is rob of us the present moment. Maybe Dad's saying, "If I can die and survive, you can live."

And since we create our own reality, that's what I'm chosing to believe...

4 comments:

Da Nator said...

Wait, some people have only one shame inside them?

[waiting in fear to be pelted with red-hot, bullet-speed pennies]

Congratulations on chapter one!

Nancy said...

Nator, Buddy, there's some what's got no shame a'tall! We call 'em sociopaths around here! (Shame on me, a former Philly girl talking like I've lived half my life here in the South...which, of course, I now have!)

Heather said...

Hi Nancy...

I'm glad the pennies are back, ..isn't it funny how they seem to show up just when you need that affirmation the most? I have found a few of my own pennies lately and that always makes me smile!

And congratulations on the writing..being a writer myself(or trained journalist with aspirations to become a writer, I guess)I can definitely relate to the block that takes residence and just how hard it is to remove that block. So I'm glad to hear that the story is flowing so freely and here's to hoping that continues for the foreseeable future!

Teena said...

It shows how precious life is. And that you should enjoy every second of it.