Truth Will Out

 

Sometimes the truth can be well, over-rated.  Take this weekend for example…

Last night both boys spent the night with a friend- an all-night video fest.  So this leaves me home alone.  Not a problem- I’m alone here all the time.  Of course, with three yappy dogs, I’m never truly alone.

But two of the dogs are small and other one is ancient and just about deaf.  So, at 12:42 a.m, when back door glass shatters- the deaf dog snores on and the two little ones dive behind me, trembling. 

It’s only me. 

The phone is down the hallway in another room and  I hear footsteps crossing the terrazzo tile floor.  In about five seconds, whoever it is will be standing in the bedroom doorway.

  Now- isn’t that interesting?

Of course it is. It’s much more interesting than me telling you the truth.  The truth is- I spent the weekend trying to organize my IPod and staring at a blank computer screen. 

When the writing doesn’t come easy- I can always find a chore that needs my urgent attention- like cleaning out the IPod.  Before I “fixed” it, I had enough music to last a week on a deserted island.  But I had four of each song and chapters from audio books popped up in random playlists. So about the third time Patty Griffin sang “Rain,” Bill Bryson would interrupt her and tell me how the Universe was created.  

I had to do something about the situation or else spend the upcoming week driving long distances on busy highways with Led Zeppelin one moment and the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society the next. 

That’s how come no fiction got written this weekend. I had chores to do.  Honest.

More Procrastinating…

 

I sat down to write and they called me…the cupcakes.

“You can do this,” they said.  “You can make fondant flowers.  Come on, it’ll be fun!”

They raced across the computer screen, taunting me away from the sandy backyard garden scene I was trying to write, luring me with the scent of vanilla buttercream frosting.

 

“What about chocolate?  Don’t forget chocolate buttercream!”

“And silver fairy dust!” The littlest cupcake cried.

   

And it was all good.

I settled down, ready to release my two trapped characters from their story, content in the knowledge that sometime, somewhere, cupcakes and fondant pansies will appear in a story. 

Creative Procrastination

 

Sometimes I procrastinate. I sit down intending to write but when the words don’t come easy, my mind wanders…I notice the things I normally overlook- like the dog, sleeping peacefully on the couch in my office.

 

I think, aw, isn’t that sweet. Then- I hope she’s not cold. Maybe I should cover her up.

  

I look down at Maggie peacefully sleeping and think- isn’t that sweet?

She looks like a little old lady who’s fallen asleep while reading a good book.  So, I find her a good book.  Then I see my dad’s glasses and think- Hey, I should add these, too.   

  She opens her eyes and peers up at me, probably thinking this can’t possibly be happening.

 

By now I’ve forgotten all about writing. Hyperactive Maggie is not even moving!  Seriously- How often does an opportunity like this come along? Certainly never.  So I think, what about a hat?

 

She is still NOT moving! This is incredible…Amazing even…So I try on another hat…

 

And screw around with my dog for so long that by the end of the day, I have written only one sentence…

The last time I saw Anthony Petrocelli, he shoved a dirt-encrusted statuette into my arms and said, “A big nose and little tits ain’t no reason not to dance.”

Day 7- Living Larger

At 1 a.m Maggie says "Surprise! It's morning and I'm ready for my walk!"

I tell her I don't think so, but she says "Well, let me outside then. I have to go. Really. I do."

At 6 a.m. she says "Hey! It's morning! Let's go walk!"

I crack an eyelid.


I do not consider this to be morning. I consider it to be closer to the middle of the night. So I roll over and she goes down the stairs in a huff of dog fur.

At 8:30 she tells me deer have overrun the garden and are eating all the lettuce.


I'm out there before I remember- there is no lettuce. Just black plastic and a half a ton of rocks. I know they don't look like much in the picture but those little suckers weigh a lot, especially when you lump them all together.

Which reminded me I needed to plant a few things. This is when I open the package of fake bamboo trellis stakes and find they didn't send the clips to hold it all together. Surprise, I learn later- the trellis kit only includes the fake bamboo poles and not the clamps. You have to buy those separately.

Okay, now isn't that a little like buying a kitchen sink without the faucet?

Oh, yeah. Bad analogy.

Well, buying trellis poles without clamps is like buying um...salsa without chips.

Anyway, being as how I once dated an ex-serviceman, I decide to follow the advice he seemed to live by "Adapt and Overcome." (Don't know what that says about him dating me, but well, never mind. Just go eat some of those chips and salsa.)

Those are my homemade bean trellises. I ran out of bean plants though, so one trellis is a cucumber, tomato, carrot in the middle trellis.

The bean trellis has lettuce in the middle. I figured it might be done by the time I got a bean plant to actually climb my homemade trellis.

Four hours later I went in to do the real job of the day- writing a novel.

3 hours later, I had a kid who wasn't in the plot and there was a dead body in a farm pond instead of in a cafe.

So I went to see Joe on my way to Dairy Queen to eat myself to death.


Joe was way up there...


At the tippy-top of the house he's building all by himself. He clamped two pieces of scaffolding together to get up there, pulled a muscle in his side and then the wind picked up. But Joe was in one of his determined moods, so he wasn't coming down until the last sheet was bolted in place.

Joe leads a fairly terrifying life. Makes stringing bean trellises and getting lost in the woods or finding dead bodies in farm ponds seem very, very tame.

But I still went to Dairy Queen. I just didn't get the usual. I decided to live large, kind of like Joe only not. No medium strawberry sundae with whipped cream for me today, no sir, buddy! I got a caramel sundae AND a diet Coke.

Now that is living large-er.

Meanwhile, back at Joe's- he was staring out at this...