Good Intentions Vs Cruel Resolutions

Ah, the new year...Time for resolutions and turning over new leaves.

This implies looking back over the past year, or perhaps your entire life and resolving to do things differently- as if you've been doing it all wrong and must now fix yourself.

Hoo-ey!

If we must review our lives, why not be more positive- say start with counting a few blessings then move forward to the next steps or goals? Maybe we do like the car companies do- review the 2006 model and tweak it for 2007. At the extreme- a complete model makeover...but then, isn't it really something else and no longer really an Accord or a Corolla? Never mind, I'm digressing!

Anyway- if I'm reviewing my past year my first reaction is to tell you it sucked big time! But really, I suppose it didn't. I suppose there are many blessings to be found in it- like the time I had with Dad, or the way his illness drew me closer to my sister Flea. There was a lot of good in that pain.

Then Cookie died...but before she did, didn't she also give me much more than I hoped to give her? Didn't I learn from both my Dad and Cookie that the important things in life aren't concrete objectives or material possessions? What is important are our relationships and the only thing that travels with us are our memories and feelings. Even when Cookie was losing her hold on her memories, she still recognized and clung to her memories of and love for her children.

Dad said not to listen to a person's answers- instead, listen to their questions. Their passion, their area of interest is revealed in their questions and those questions signify what they feel most passionate about. He said compassion and kindness are everything. He took my hand and placed it on top of my sister's, then added in the rest of the family and my best friends. He patted the stack of hands and his message was crystal clear- stick together-it's important.

I remember the Eldest Unnamed One only a month ago telling me "There are Innies and there are Outies. The Innies don't look to the outside world for validation- they look inside, to what makes them happy, and they follow this. They will never be lost."

So, now I've got to figure out how to take these gifts and apply them to my own life. Given what I've learned over the past year, what am I going to add to the 2007 model of me? What will take me in a direction that brings me closer to those things I feel most passionate about?

My boys are growing. The eldest will leave next fall and his brother will follow him in 2 short years. When I started writing, I thought I'd become wealthy enough to have a beach house for family vacations. Well, we take vacations but we don't own a beach house. Maybe I need to look at creating a home where my boys will want to bring their own kids- the way my father created a haven for us and we always flocked to him at every occasion.

He created this home in his heart and that's what truly drew us to him...but his surroundings didn't hurt- first the lake house and then the condo in a vacation resort. It's time to plan this for my own future.

The second area of my life that could use a little tweaking is my writing. For someone who feels so passionately about writing, I sure don't do a lot of it! Oh sure, I write here but I'm not creating new fiction. Blogging has been a way for me to explore a new way of writing. It's time to translate that onto paper. How do I translate my journal honesty into fiction?

Beats the hell out of me!

But if Mama don't write no fiction, Mama can't buy no beach or lake house! Mama will have to continue working long hours at jobs that worship the almighty paperwork and not the creative juices...Time for a change...or as the Eldest Unnamed One is often overheard to say- "Work smarter, not harder!"

Sure, I intend to lose the extra pounds I put on celebrating the holidays- but I'm not going to treat myself like I've been bad and need to starve my poor body back to "health." Nope, I'm going to do the things that make me happy and trust the Universe to keep me too happy and busy to sit around shoveling in sugar!

So, thanks Universe! I can't wait to finish the best book I've ever written and move to the sweetest little cottage this side of Utopia!

In the meantime...I've got to find out what happened to my staff. They were supposed to report early this morning to take down the 500 million Christmas decorations!

Sigh. They must be out following their own best intentions!