We Are Not Morning People

We are not morning people, not back then and certainly not now!

I don't even think we come to life around here until sometime after dinner...Well the boys don't. They stumble out of bed, bleary-eyed from watching The Colbert Report, bump into walls as they stagger to the shower and stand for what seems like hours beneath the hot water, sleeping.

How do I know they are sleeping in the shower? Well, after fifteen minutes, when I bang on the bathroom door and yell at the Youngest Who Must Remain Unnamed, he calls back, "I'm coming! I just have to rinse the shampoo out of my hair!"

Yesterday I was on him again. "There's no hot water left for your brother's shower! What are you doing in there?"

At dinner he offered this explanation of his prolonged, underwater experience. "The conditioner bottle says to leave it on your hair for six minutes. That's what I was doing."

He says this with a straight face.

This morning I couldn't tell you how long he was in there because I was in a coma. Apparently the puppets I made for his AP World History project were such a smashing success a few weeks ago that he's again volunteered to "make" the puppets for this next project.

Six Dollar Store Barbies gave their all, and most of their hair, to become a Japanese Post-Classic era peasant (and the leather shag area rug also gave up a few stray strips), a Buddhist monk, a Samurai warrior and two aristocrats. It took two of us, working hard until midnight to finish.

I would've taken pictures but I was so sick of the little shits I just shoved them in a plastic file box and locked them all away. Besides, if there is a Barbie Humane Society I don't want them over here banging on the front door with picture in hand, screaming, "You have defiled the sacred image of American womanhood!"

Yeah, as if...

The Youngest Unnamed One seems none the worse for wear this morning, but I am a total loss.
I guess I'm not a morning person and not a late night person either.
Damn, I must be getting old!

P.S...I am mentally smacking myself on the forehead...It has occurred to me, just as it must be occurring to you, there is one other activity that could explain the length of time it takes my adolescent boys to shower....Ewwww! Okay, I'm taking the Tilex in there right now!!!


David Boyd said...

There is only one answer to your/their problem. Four words: continuous hot water heater.

Nancy said...

How true! If, and I realize that is a huge caveat, if they are in fact sleeping under the warm waters of the shower, then it is an inherited trait...coming from me...so a continuous hot water heater is definitely just what we need!