Claiming My Personal Style

Okay, pour yourself a cup of coffee, Sheria, it's time to talk style. (And by the way, thanks for your kind words. I totally admire what you're doing with your life!)

Dad was right. When I asked him what he did in his 50s he said, "I quit shaking."

Right on, Dad!

Well, I'm still shaking in lots of ways. I'm neurotic about lots of things...like making or returning phone calls. It's just some internal glitch. I know I should call. I want to call. But this mule-like part of me digs in its heels and refuses. I hate to make phone calls. The shrink in me says, "Honey, it's fear of rejection. You are not secure enough in yourself to think the person on the other end will want to talk to you." Pitiful, if true. I should be past that by now. And Kim
one of the wisest and funniest bloggers in the known universe, is right...I do tend to let time pass between phone calls to the important people in my life because, well, because I don't know why! But, to quote Chuckie on Rugrats, "As God is my Witless," I will call the Flea sister today and report back here to you guys....Maybe that'll get me off my ass!

But I digress...I am trying to say that now I'm 51, I have become comfortable with my style...at least my clothing style.

Every year, every freakin' season, "They" come out with the new, must have, look for the season. For years I kind of felt bad about not exactly living my fashion life to the letter, but still I remained a bit of a maverick. I would wear some of the stuff They said I should, but the rebel always branches off.

Today I am announcing my true fashion sources. I am here to admit where I shop and how I come up with my "Look." And the reason I'm giving it all up and claiming my source is the recent issue of Style or People or Vogue or whatever magazine which claims we must now move from hip-hugging, low-cut jeans to skinny-legged, straight jeans.

Give me a freakin' break!

Do you know how hard it was to shove my pear shaped ass into low cut, hip-huggers? Do you know how bad that looked? Do you know how hard it is to stoop down and retrieve a can of peas from the bottom of the pantry without your shirt riding up, your pants riding halfway down your ample ass, exposing your lime green thong panties and a generous portion of plumber's crack?

Damn! It meant I had to buy all new shirts and low cut thongs and STILL sometimes I would hear the unsuppressed titters of the Unnamed One and his girlfriend...the signal that once again, I was overly exposed.

This is not good for my reputation as a formidable mother, let alone a sexy, red-hot mama.

I forced myself into those jeans after seeing a show called "The 10 Things Not To Wear" and realizing I wore at least 4 of those items, including Mommy jeans and overalls.

Damn! They were comfortable...but I gave in to vanity and insecurity.

However, I draw the line at skinny jeans. I'm going right back to what I like, to my own funky little out-there style. Aging hippy meets....hell, fill in the blank, it varies from day to day. And even on my meager budget I can afford this trendy, chic style.

I like to call it Goodwill-Closet of Mertis Rejects.

It works for me.

Face it, whatever was in style will be back in style soon. That is why God made Goodwill. I mean, I have a Dana Buchman, cashmere jacket and I only paid $4.75 for it. The skinny jeans are there along with the broomstick skirts we wore last year and the western wear look and the hip-hugging bootcut jeans. It's all there and it's cheap. And you can buy stuff that needs to be dry cleaned because when it's time to dry clean it, you just give it back to Goodwill.

And when that fails, there's Closet of Mertis Rejects.

My friend (in the interest of Unnaming People my friend has been given the following alias) Mertis, is a quasi-recreational/therapeutic shopper with a low tolerance for the frustration of actually trying stuff on or returning it if it doesn't work. She gets tired of stuff. She changes her mind about stuff. Thank God!

She is like most of us only she is my size, so I hang around when she's cleaning out her closet and Voila! I'm back In again!

Mertis is providing a great service to humanity. She is donating to a worthy cause AND she is still shopping. Mertis does not confine her love of kindness to only me- if said item doesn't work for me, Marti steps in to try it on, and if not her, then another friend benefits.

It is charitable recycling at it's best and we are so totally grateful.

It has made it possible for me to become the fashion maven I am today...and I'm good with it. After all, fashion is temporary but friendship is forever.