Barks- Toffee and Otherwise

It was 3:38 a.m. I am asleep, having bad dreams about abductions, battles, perverts, you name it. If it was bad, it was happening in my dream. That's when the woman yelled out in the hallway outside my bedroom.

I sat straight up in bed, on full Mama alert.

"Low battery alert!" the woman cried. "Low battery alert!"

Okay. Why did she wait until 3:38 a.m to tell me this? Why not 3:38 p.m.? Why not midnight? Why when she knew the po-lice had already encircled my house once this week, would she decide to scream at me then? Doesn't she know it's almost Christmas? Where's her holiday spirit?

I know. I know. The former school safety patrol members are saying "That was a Christmas present. She could've been saving your life." And for that I am grateful. She also saved me from the Unibomber or whoever it was I was dreaming about. But today, I dragged around like a half-dead cat, never fully awake and too wrung out to go back to sleep.

Oh, well. That question and others like it will go unanswered until another day, I suppose. Until then it's back to making Toffee Bark. My most successful holiday recipe and by far the easiest-

Line a parchment paper lined jelly roll pan with saltines. (It'll take one of the 4 sleeves that come in the cracker box.) In a saucepan melt 1c. butter and 1c dark brown sugar. Bring it to a boil and boil for 3 minutes. Immediately pour over saltines and spread to cover the crackers completely. Bake at 400 for 5-6 mins. Remove from oven and sprinkle with 2c of choc. chips. (I combine semi-sweet and bittersweet.) Let sit for 5 mins. Spread melted chocolate and top with 3/4 c chopped pecans. Now, I don't like pecans so I substitute toffee chips.

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