I Am Bigger Than My Hair...

I have hair issues.

I've tried therapy, all kinds.

I've cheated on my hairdresser- not just once but whenever I get bored. It's always a disaster. Sometimes I try to hide this from her by undoing the damage myself.

The last time I did this she said, "Nance, you've got pink stripes in your hair!"

I said "I know! Isn't that just the damndest thing?!"

See the biggest problem in our relationship is, we just don't get enough alone time. She sees other people, which doesn't bother me, until I want her to make time for me and she says, "Well, I can fit you in 3 weeks from now..."

Do I mean nothing to her? I thought what we had was special! When my hair's causing an emotional crisis in my life, I want my significant hairdresser to be there for me...that very minute!

I can't wait. Doesn't she understand I'm looking bad NOW?!

I can tell it's building up again. I'm restless. I'm starting to cruise websites and even the occasional Celebrity Hairstyles magazine in the supermarket. When Marti tells me about this hot hairstylist named Hillary who has the EXACT hair I need, I listen. I have even found myself thinking, what my stylist doesn't know won't hurt her! I mean, going for a consultation isn't exactly cheating, is it? I mean, we're just talking. I just need someone who understands me, who listens and doesn't always shoot me down with "You can't do that to your hair!"

Sigh. I know so much better than this. I know another stylist can't meet all my needs, can't make me feel good about myself. I know this has to come from inside me. A boring hairstyle is only a symptom of a deeper problem.

Still, I can't help but think if I had one of those new shaggy, inverted bobs or maybe Faith Hill's new do (I'm sure she has one) my life would be complete...

Yeah, and nirvana would be just around the corner, along with my mega-million dollar lottery winnings!