Naked on Rollerskates: Hooligans' Shenanigans on Mother's Day

The Hoolies are at it again. This time they've been playing with the camera.

This was on my computer this morning...followed by a homemade breakfast, then a movie "Baby Mama," and finally a fancy, French dinner at a local bistro.

My favorite snippets from the day...

The sound of loud, boy voices coming from behind The Youngest's bedroom door after the Eldest realized he'd failed to bring dress shoes or pants and they were about to be late... Youngest "Stop throwing my clothes on the floor!" Then a scuffle and "If you do that again I'm going to punch you in the mouth!"

When I walk into the room The Eldest is struggling to fit into pants and shoes two sizes too small and the Youngest is yelling "I don't care if it is a Goodwill suit- it's disrespectful and if you do it again I will punch you!"

I am laughing because I haven't heard this sort of interchange in at few years and it brings back memories. It also seems to break the tension as now they think I'm the one losing it.

I offer to change into something less dressy and when I do, I say "There, do I look worse now?"

"Oh, thanks, Mom," the Eldest says. "You're saying we look bad!"

I assure them that isn't what I meant. I only meant, do I look more casual?

"Yeah, you look older."

"Older?!"

The Eldest tries to extricate foot from mouth by saying, "Mom, you know what I mean!" And I do.

At the restaurant the Youngest says-

"Well, when the guy said beet and vegetable soup, I didn't think he meant beet soup with vegetables in it. I thought there might be a few pieces of cut up beets floating around in the vegetable soup, not this bright red stuff!"

The Eldest says "Hey, this is pomegranate-glazed chicken and I just remembered something. I think in 6th grade I was reading a book to the class and the teacher had a pomegranate cut open on her desk and it made my eyes water. I think I'm allergic to it...No, I don't want to swap with you. I'm just telling you so that if we wind up in the emergency room, you should take pictures of my face swelling up."

"Are you on drugs?" I demand.

A few moments later he says, "I feel weird, kind of dizzy."

"You are on drugs, aren't you?!"

"No my thermostat is just momentarily off..."

He doesn't die or swell up and we make it to dessert...

"No, Mom, he did not say apple, bacon and chocolate chip ice cream. He said apple and bacon ice cream and then chocolate chip ice cream."

Moments later- "Eww! What's this in my...Hey-there's bacon in with the chocolate chips!"

"Mom, imagine this...You're eating chocolate chip ice cream and suddenly you taste something that's the consistency of a fettuccini noodle! That was what the bacon was like in that ice cream!"

"Apple bacon chocolate chip ice cream," the Youngest muses. "Why does that even exist? I mean, what were they thinking? Well, they've got all the major food groups in there- meat, dairy, vegetables..."

"What vegetable?"

"Uh," he says..."apple?"

"You mean because it was green?" I ask.

The Eldest tries to rescue him. "Vanilla," he says. "It's a bean."

"And sugar," The Youngest adds, attempting to redeem himself.

This from the child whose first words were "Candy, believe it!"

We escape into the early evening just as the sky opens up, drenching us thoroughly as we dart across the lot to the car.

"Well it can't get any worse," the Eldest says with a sigh.

I should've warned him never to say that...

When we get home we're briefly locked out in the downpour. Once inside, still laughing, we are rehashing the entire fiasco when the Youngest suddenly begins sniffing and moving. "What stinks?" he demands, eyeing the big dog suspiciously. "Oh, God! It's the Goodwill Coat!"

He peels out of the offending jacket. "This doesn't do well when it's wet," he informs us.

"Maybe they took it off him when they exhumed him," I say.

"Mom!"

Well, I'm just saying...

It was a fabulous Mother's Day and I wouldn't trade a thing for it!