Day 7- Living Larger

At 1 a.m Maggie says "Surprise! It's morning and I'm ready for my walk!"

I tell her I don't think so, but she says "Well, let me outside then. I have to go. Really. I do."

At 6 a.m. she says "Hey! It's morning! Let's go walk!"

I crack an eyelid.


I do not consider this to be morning. I consider it to be closer to the middle of the night. So I roll over and she goes down the stairs in a huff of dog fur.

At 8:30 she tells me deer have overrun the garden and are eating all the lettuce.


I'm out there before I remember- there is no lettuce. Just black plastic and a half a ton of rocks. I know they don't look like much in the picture but those little suckers weigh a lot, especially when you lump them all together.

Which reminded me I needed to plant a few things. This is when I open the package of fake bamboo trellis stakes and find they didn't send the clips to hold it all together. Surprise, I learn later- the trellis kit only includes the fake bamboo poles and not the clamps. You have to buy those separately.

Okay, now isn't that a little like buying a kitchen sink without the faucet?

Oh, yeah. Bad analogy.

Well, buying trellis poles without clamps is like buying um...salsa without chips.

Anyway, being as how I once dated an ex-serviceman, I decide to follow the advice he seemed to live by "Adapt and Overcome." (Don't know what that says about him dating me, but well, never mind. Just go eat some of those chips and salsa.)

Those are my homemade bean trellises. I ran out of bean plants though, so one trellis is a cucumber, tomato, carrot in the middle trellis.

The bean trellis has lettuce in the middle. I figured it might be done by the time I got a bean plant to actually climb my homemade trellis.

Four hours later I went in to do the real job of the day- writing a novel.

3 hours later, I had a kid who wasn't in the plot and there was a dead body in a farm pond instead of in a cafe.

So I went to see Joe on my way to Dairy Queen to eat myself to death.


Joe was way up there...


At the tippy-top of the house he's building all by himself. He clamped two pieces of scaffolding together to get up there, pulled a muscle in his side and then the wind picked up. But Joe was in one of his determined moods, so he wasn't coming down until the last sheet was bolted in place.

Joe leads a fairly terrifying life. Makes stringing bean trellises and getting lost in the woods or finding dead bodies in farm ponds seem very, very tame.

But I still went to Dairy Queen. I just didn't get the usual. I decided to live large, kind of like Joe only not. No medium strawberry sundae with whipped cream for me today, no sir, buddy! I got a caramel sundae AND a diet Coke.

Now that is living large-er.

Meanwhile, back at Joe's- he was staring out at this...

Day 6 Up at the Cabin- How You Gonna Keep Em Down on the Farm...

Today I can barely move...Yesterday, after I cleaned out half the gunk in the back creek in an attempt to make it look like a creek and not a dumping zone for abandoned tree limbs, Maggie and I climbed to the top of the mountain.

In fact, I think we may have climbed more than one mountain because "we" got a little turned around...For 3 hours. We went uphill and down, following soil roads and trying to retrace our steps. It was a journey let me tell you.

And as usual, we saw more strange things nailed to trees. In addition to the teapot, there was this-



Yeah, a deer stand, I know. But it was painted in Camo and covered in Gilley net. As it was almost at the top of where I thought I was going, I climbed halfway up to take pictures of the view (and figure out where exactly I was) but by then my legs were too tired and the rungs too far apart to keep going.

Did I mention I'm afraid of heights?

About 2 hours into the ordeal I looked out and saw Joe's house way far off in the distance, across a deep valley or two, so I knew we were in for a long hike home.



This was especially disheartening as I hadn't even intended to walk all the way to the top of the mountain but wound up going anyway because it seemed as if the summit was only just up ahead.

Did you ever notice how many trees there are on mountains and how, after awhile, they all start looking alike? It's the same thing with the top of the mountain. Sometimes the crest is just the crest and not the top- but with all those trees in the way, who can really tell?


Did I mention I forgot to put in my contacts and was wearing big old rubber rain boots?

So, the dog and I kept on going because, well by this point, we had to if we ever wanted to see home again.

I kept telling Maggie not to worry because moss grows on the north side of a tree. She seemed comforted by this, but then, she is a dog.

I found it comforting that we were, by now, most definitely headed Down. And since Down is where the cabin is I was beginning to feel encouraged.

Then someone let the dogs out.

Did I mention our part of the mountain backs up onto a hunting club?

I had just said to Maggie, "I sure am glad it's not hunting season because we might be on their property!" when the dogs that had been in the distance suddenly seemed a whole lot louder. In fact, it sounded like they were closing in fast.

So we take off running downhill (which is damned hard to do in rain boots) and that's when I heard a whole bunch of fake-sounding bird calls, like a bunch of fellers trying out their bad turkey impressions.

For some reason this flew all over me.

I mean, I'm obviously LOST. What other kind of crazy fool, soccer mom would go out walking in rain boots in the middle of a hunting preserve with a fussy schnauzer on a sissy leash?

And yet, here these yahoos were- tracking me with coon hounds or beagles or something obviously vicious and snarly AND taunting me with fake bird calls!

Well buddy, I snapped.

"Hey, knock it off!" I yelled. "You don't even sound like real turkeys anyhow!" (I know, witty repartee, but did I not mention I was exhausted?) Anyway, it was like a freaking miracle- the dogs went away and the fake birds must've gone right along with them because it was totally quiet.

A minute later an entire family of turkeys came flapping, flying and running right out of the woods and across the path in front of us.

I think this was purely coincidental.

Did I mention Joe stopped by later and told me that yesterday was the first day of Turkey season?

"Man," he said. "Something could've really happened to you! You should've taken your cell phone. "

Yeah. If I'd known I was going to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in galoshes with a cranky dog I'd have taken the cell phone for sure. That way I could've called when I realized I was lost and said- what- "I'm lost come get me. I'm at the corner of Deer Stand and the Fifty-Fifth Green Boulder I've seen today?"



"Your cell has GPS, you know," he said.

Oh. Well. Yeah. There is that.

Did I tell you he was laughing his head off the whole time I was telling him about our near-death experience?

Anyway, we survived and have moved on to another adventure I'm too whooped to describe.

It involves maybe a half a ton of white quartz rocks and a bunch of black plastic.

When Joe drove by on his way to town and saw what I was doing he just shook his head and grinned. Then, because he's such a nice guy, he listened with a serious expression on his face while I described my idea,. He was nodding the whole time like today I was finally making sense or something.

Which we all know I wasn't.

Hey- and I wrote 8 more pages!

And I found this in the tree closest to the teapot...Looks like a homemade hose reel to me. But again, why put one in a tree nowhere near a spigot?

Day 5 at the Cabin- Unexplained Mountain Mysteries

All right, now somebody has to know the answer to this...

Why are teapots and coffeepots (2 so far, but there could be more) nailed to a couple of fence posts around the old home site?

Look-



And let's not forget the iron in the tree episode. I'm telling you, this place is full of weird, unexplained things.

So if you have any earthly idea why any of these things would be where they are, or what they were used for, I'd love to hear it. Would it help if I told you an old moonshiner lived here? And that he raised bees? (So he wouldn't have to explain needing to buy all that sugar for 'shine.)


Here's the critter hole of the day...big and spooky...

Day 4- Mist on the Mountain, Critters in the Hole

Look in the lower right corner. See the deer? A whole family greeted me as I drove home from the store last night.



I know. Big whoop. But there's no TV up here. We do the best we can with what we've got to work with.

This morning it was still rainy and cool.


So, Maggie and I went off in search of adventure and found a bunch of new critter holes.





We watched the mist rise off the mountain.

Found a little bit of treasure...



and a few signs of Spring.




We returned home only a little bit worse for wear...

Day 3- Snug in my Little Log Cabin

It is still raining. Can you believe it? This was the view from my bedroom window this morning, before I rolled over and went back to sleep for 3 more hours.

The back creek is actually a creek now- full of water just like the others. Raking out the leaves and the muck paid off, I guess. But then, we must've had another 2" last night. Maggie and I ran around the cabin stuffing towels in leaks and grabbing buckets to put under the drips. It poured in through the chimneys which may explain why the gas logs won't light.



I think Joe's dog, Shannon, is pregnant.



I've been writing all afternoon but now it's time for a break. Maggie and I might ride into town and visit the D.Q. Maybe not though- we can always make a cozy fire and snuggle up inside. After all, there's no real rush to go anywhere anytime soon.


Life is good in the foothills of Southwest Virginia...

My Friend, Joe

This is my friend, Joe. He's the one who sold me the cabin but better still, he's become my true buddy.

This is the home he's building all alone, all by himself, just one guy and a bunch of heavy equipment..


At times it gets a little hairy, like when the 90 mph wind took off his second story porch.
But what a view he has!

He can see clear to the Blue Ridge Parkway.


Sometimes I go up to see how he's doing and I just stand there, staring out at the vista surrounding him. I totally get why he's doing this. I understand the beauty of his solitude.

The neat thing is- he totally gets my need for solitude too.

Two creative introverts sharing the same mountain. Who'd a thunk it?

Life at the Cabin

It's all good.

How Can They Miss Me If I Won't Go Away?

It's down to the wire. Tomorrow morning it's lift-off. I'll be gone for 9 days. The Youngest Unnamed One is staying behind, watched over by Mertis. They say they plan to eat out EVERY SINGLE night and have great adventures.

I am a wee bit concerned as the two of them tend to get a little wild and crazy without my supervision.

Take the Christmas debacle for instance...



They climbed up on top of the roof and hung the giant wreath from the tippy top of the house. I know, it's only a one story home, but still, it was dangerous don't you think?

Mert and the Youngest have been known to get wild for no reason whatsoever....



This puzzles me because when I'm home, when he's not under Mert's influence, the child is such a calm, retiring thing...



Okay. That was years ago, I know. He's a junior in high school now and Mert has never been arrested for any major crimes, that I know of. Sigh.

I'm sure they'll both be fine. Just fine...

In fact, sniff, sniff, I bet they won't even MISS me!

They Favor, Don't They?

I was going to make this a Wordless Wednesday. I uploaded a bunch of miscellaneous photos of the Youngest Unnamed One, thinking I'd do a retrospective of his ever evolving self. And then I caught the side-by-side resemblance in two pictures- one of Dad as a boy and one of the Youngest.









I believe they favor.





And that makes me smile.

Look, Ma! No Braces!

Both boys have been saddled with braces and in both cases, they've worn them for YEARS. In fact, we the myth about our orthodontist is, she won't release you until you provide another hostage. After all, that's how we found her- one of my friends was a patient.

But finally, after three long years, the Youngest Unnamed One has been cut loose.





Tonight there will be feasting and celebrating in the castle. Dancing girls will gather round the bonfire...All right, so maybe we'll just go down to the cafeteria and eat whatever we want.

Still, it's a happy day in the neighborhood.

Stinky Dogs and Opposable Thumbs

How have I lived this long with 4 dogs and not known about this?

Maybe this isn't a high-use item for dogs because they don't have opposable thumbs. How would they grab ahold of it to use it? Furthermore, if you can't grab soap, how do you turn on the shower?

Poor doggies. Of course they stink. They have no opposable thumbs.






This same catalog also carries a product called "Snake-Away." It's a powder that's supposed to keep every snake BUT copperheads away from the garden. You sprinkle a little line of the stuff around the perimeter of where you don't want snakes and Voila! No snakes- just Copperheads.

Wonder how much of that stuff it would take to outline 63 acres? Okay, well maybe just the immediate 3 acres. And around my bed.

Flea-Biteus

We are suffering from a case of Flea-bite-us around here. It seems despite the various preventative programs the dogs are all on, the fleas are winning. So it's come to this-

The ultimate, "organic" flea trap- a light and a piece of sticky paper.

I read the product reviews and was duly impressed. "I actually watched the fleas hopping across the room to get to it!" One man exclaimed.

"It's a miracle!" Another wrote.

I overlooked the one, sourpuss "I caught one flea! But to be fair, it could've been because I'd just vacuumed."

I am a desperate woman. I will try anything- once.

The traps are on order and shipping soon. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, I'm wrapping my ankles in double-sided duct tape.

Perhaps this is more information than you ever wanted to know about my life, but in the words of the inimitable Randy Jackson, "I'm just keeping it real, Dawg."

The Best Dandelion in the Graveyard

I think when Dad died, a part of me went right along with him.

He wouldn't want that. And now- finally, I don't want it either.

The greatest monument to the life of a loved one is not some marble edifice erected atop a grave. It's not how long we mourn or how deeply we grieve. We are the testament. Our tribute is in how we live our lives without them.

My mistake, thus far, has been in thinking I have to use all the tools Dad gave me every day, perfectly, just as he would have used them. But today I realized something- if I did that, I'd be living his life and not my own. Dad would really not like that. He was all about the importance of living your own life.

Besides, I would only be a cheap imitation of the greatest dad in the Universe.

I've tried to be a carbon copy of him and failed miserably every single day for the past 18 months. I've even tried to write like I imagine he'd want me to write- and it just hasn't worked.

I'm not a very good graveyard angel. That's okay. Maybe my job is to be the dandelion that grows beside the marble monument, stretching its roots deep and lifting its face toward the sun.

Two Blogs- One Life

I'm re-evaluating my entire approach to blogging. Maybe I'll have two blogs- one about my writing and one about life.