Aliens May Have Landed but I've Still Got My Feet on the Ground

I am working on creating my own reality.

Because I have a short attention span, it is important that my world be filled with wondrous things...like, for example, the alien takeover of Franklin County, Virginia.

I was cruising along Republican Church Road when I crested the top of a small hill and saw this:


You can perhaps not see it exactly as clearly as I did because I was limited to using my cell phone camera to take the photograph, but there are huge swirling circles in that field.

A less creative soul might've seen this and thought "Ah, the farmer got drunk and drove his tractor through the field."

But I saw alien crop circles. I saw Mel Gibson clutching his wee small daughter, preparing to defend himself and his family against an onslaught of marauding alien invaders.

And while these crop circles were nowhere near as neatly placed as the ones in the movie "Signs," I still decided it could've been aliens instead of DWI farmers behind the event.

It just makes my day a bit more interesting if I take the less traveled neural pathways, you know?

Enter...my butt...

The other night my son installed this in his doorway:


Well, I walked back and forth, passing it I don't know how many times in the span of about 24 hours before mentioning it to a very fit, very athletic friend of mine.

"He can even do one-armed pull-ups!" I exclaimed. "Can you believe it?"

My friend is much younger than me. "How many pull-ups can you do?" she asked.

Little snot.

"Are you kidding me? Have you seen what I'm lugging around behind me? I can't lift that off the ground with both hands, let alone carry my chin along with it!"

But in my little world, where all things are possible, there was just that one small chance that maybe...just maybe...I could indeed do it.

So, once the boy was safely at school and the dogs otherwise occupied, once I was absolutely certain NO ONE was around to witness the event, I walked down the hallway. After looking over my shoulder one more time, to make sure no one was watching, I quickly reached up, gripped the bar with both hands and tugged- at first gently and then as hard as I could.

Nothing happened.

Well, okay, so my shoulder hurts, but the bottom line is, my chin never approached the bar.

A lesser woman might see this as failure. Not I. In my little world this only means I have achieved what some people spend entire lifetimes trying to accomplish...

I am one with the Universe. I am centered in my world.

Yes, dear reader, I am totally grounded.

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